Cheated at NYE party with a BBC(first time), and now cant stop cheating

Ok so I’m 23f with my bf of 3 years, I went to a New Year Party with friends and made a life changing mistake that would make me addicted to another man’s big cock. He has broken my mind.
I have always had a lot of sex with my boyfriend but he rarely been able to make me cum. I think the longest he had ever lasted was around 15 minutes. I did enjoy it though orgasm or not because I love my boyfriend but now things I dont feel his dick at ALL, his cock slips out more than usual, he said my pussy feels a fit different, and I think he is suspecting me of cheating or something.
Anyways, on Sunday, I went to a New Year’s party that my girlfriend invited me to because she pressured me into it. There were a bunch of attractive men but I wasn’t interested because I love my boyfriend. I didn’t drink at all at the party because I knew drinking would lead my boyfriend being jealous and worried. A bunch of guys invited me go to the hot tub with them so I changed into my bathing suit and went in.
I hopped in the bathtub with my bathing suit and it was amazing because it was so cold out that day. Anyways, I stayed in there for around 30 minutes and everyone hopped out besides this one guy. A very tall, built and handsome black guy. One of my friend told me about his big cock and he was checking me out lol, so I thought of getting out, as I was gonna get out, I think he I lost a little balance and he smartly pulled me all over him, and when I got all over him OMG I felt a long hard thing between my butt, and his hands were on my tits, he started touching my pussy, and I cant control myself and was thrilled for my first BBC, so he pulled out his cock and it was massive, at least 11 inches and thicker than my forearm. eventually we started making out. All I could think about was his massive cock. I put my forearm next to his dick and it was bigger than my whole forearm. I started to rub it and I could feel my pussy getting more and more wet. I just wanted to beg him to fuck me, and that I did. He sucked my nipples, ate me out, fingered me. Basically made sure I was ready.
He slowly put his big cock inside of me, I could literally feel my pussy being stretched out. My pussy felt so full and it felt amazing. Something I had never felt before. The feeling when he first slid it in was like dying,coming back again, and then dying . It was mind blowing. He started fucking me slowly and in a minute I orgasmed. I was trying to hold my moans in but I couldn’t. The people at the party were actually recording me too. I was too horny to care.
He asked of I was ok because he heard me whimper. I told him I was fine and tried to power through the pain. After about a minute I did the one thing I’ve never done in my life. I tapped out. I told him it was too big and that I need him to go slower and not as deep.
We did it in all the classic positions. I felt so FULL but I could also feel his dick hitting every spot and the cervix (something I didn’t know was possible, usually I don’t feel anything ) cowgirl was too much for me because it was so big. I think I tapped out once or twice but I came back to it because it was so good . I nutted like 5x times. My legs were convulsing. And when it got to be to much he’d hold my hand and tell me how good I was doing 🥴 (post by :- No\_study\_7161)
At one point it hurt but we kept going because I wanted it so badly. I was literally dick crazy. I tried to savor every moment.
I kept asking for more. He fucked me for around an hour. There is a whole SEX TAPE now. I came at least 10 times from his massive cock. Near the end, I was so obsessed with his cock, I told him that I love him and I kept begging him to cum inside of me. I wanted him to breed me. The pleasure was too good. He ended up cumming so much inside of me. I was leaking for so long.
I WAS SORE FOR WEEK! I’m talking who body sore and my cootie cat ripped a little too. I’d have these moments where I’m doing normal shit and then I start to reminisce.
We now had done it 5 times including anal with that monster cock
I had sex with my boyfriend today and I couldn’t feel anything. I am not sure what to do anymore. All I can think of is that guy with the massive cock at the party. I keep texting him and asking him to meetup

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